Christmas at the Brigadiers
by NotAnOunceOfLogic
Summary: In which there are Christmas parties, Cybermen and vicious attack cats.


Over the years the Brigadier had learned many things working for UNIT: Aliens were mostly immune to bullets, Sarah Jane liked charging headlong into trouble, Liz liked making things explode nearly as much as the Doctor, if the Doctor showed up you were in trouble, never travel to Peru, Never trust anyone overweight in the government, and that Christmas above all spelled trouble. This is why he should have known not to throw a party for Christmas. But Liz had talked him into it!

"Just one party couldn't hurt Alistair." She'd cajoled him with that smile he couldn't resist, "Just one."

So he'd -against better judgment- thrown one in his home.

"I've not heard of any explosions yet." Jo said almost sadly, "Maybe this Christmas will be different."

"Doubtful." Sarah Jane rolled her eyes, "Have you heard any news from the UK in the last few years?"

"Some. I've been a bit busy and unreachable." Jo admitted.

"Lucky. We've had alien space ships explode, a giant Titanic replica nearly crashed into the palace, giant walking robot Santa's! Honestly it gets more and more insane by the year!" Liz said in amusement snagging a drink from a nearby tray.

"I've yet to see anything cause near as much chaos as the Sea Devils." the Brigadier said

"Oh for the days in which UNIT wasn't filled with complete screw ups and everything could be resolved with an explosion or the Doctor having a brilliant burst of logic." Liz sighed wistfully.

"Oh he still has those bursts of logic, "Sarah Jane said, "They just now come with explosions or wonky appliances."

Meanwhile in another part of the home...

"Argh, Rory stay still!" the Doctor hissed trying to open the window.

"Your shoes are in my back!" Rory replied trying not to move.

Of course, they could have used the front door, but where would the fun be in that?

The Doctor had received a message from a very reputable source - "Oh, would I lie to _you _Sweetie?" - That there was a group of miniaturized Cybermen running around in the 21st century. How they had become miniaturized he had no idea and River certainly wasn't telling.

"Well stop moving and they won't be!" the Doctor shot back opening the window and falling through onto the floor inside.

"You okay?" Rory called quietly.

"Fine." the Doctor stood up, looked around and spotted River and Amy smirking at him from across the room, "What? How'd you manage that?"

"We found a side door." Amy said smugly inspecting her nails.

"Girls use logic sweetie," River told him, "We actually looked for another entrance."

"Doctor, I need a little help here? Please!" Rory yelped trying to climb on his own.

With one last scowl towards the girls the Doctor reached out the window and hauled Rory in by his shirt, "There you go Pond."

"Williams." Rory muttered climbing to his feet and brushing his shirt off.

"Pond." the Doctor corrected him sternly.

"We'll take the second floor. You two take the first floor." River told the boys.

"Bet you we get them first." Amy said.

"Please, Pond, I've got a sonic and years of experience." the Doctor scoffed.

"Yes, and I've got logic and River; your point?" Amy smirked.

"...You're on, Pond. Other Pond, with me!" the Doctor said stalking off.

"What?" Rory blinked in surprise when the Doctor stormed back to grab Rory by his vest and pull him after himself amusing the girls with his protests of "its WILLIAMS not Pond!"

"Well, it's a guarantee that he'll take the second floor just because I told him to take the ground floor. I swear sometimes he's like a blond cheerleader in a classic horror film." River said shaking her head at the Doctors antics.

"Sometimes I think those cheerleaders were modeled after him." Amy giggled, "Ready then, Song?"

"After you, Pond." River waved her hand at the door.

* * *

><p>"Didn't River tell us to take the first floor?" Rory asked the Doctor quietly as the snuck up the stairs by the main room.<p>

"Yes."

"So why are we going to the second floor?"

"We're taking the second floor because she told us to take the ground floor. Now hush up, Pond, or you'll alert the Cybermen; or worse, the party guests!"

"Why are you avoiding party guests?" Rory whispered harshly after a few minutes of silence.

"All those guests know me! Over half of them have traveled with me but all of them know me and I owe quite a few of them appliances. Forgive me if I want to avoid them. Now hush!" the Doctor scolded him shining his Sonic into all the cracks and crevices of the Brigadiers home, "We're searching here!"

* * *

><p>"I have a feeling he's not going to be happy about this." Amy said watching the tiny metal men try to escape the batting paws of an overweight fluffy orange cat.<p>

"You will be deleted!" one of the Cybermen squeaked out a threat before it was bopped over the head once again.

"He might be too happy. Amy, promise me no matter what he attempts you won't let him kidnap that cat." River entreated Amy.

"The cat is cute…" Amy frowned as if in thought before nodding, "I prefer dogs. Rory's allergic anyway."

"DELETE. DELETE!" another Cybermen shrieked as it was chewed on.

"I'm a little horrified, yet I can't stop laughing."

"Pond!" the Doctor yelled from the other room.

"In here, Doctor." She laughed and hopped up to sit on the kitchen counter watching the scene.

"We didn't find anything," Rory admitted entering the room behind the Doctor, "Did you?"

"Yes, devil cat beat us both." River pointed at the now purring beast.

Rory yelped and moved away from the cat, standing by Amy in fear.

"Are you afraid of a cat, Other Pond?" the Doctor looked surprised before digging through the cupboards.

"No! I'm not afraid." Rory said defensively.

River snorted in laughter covering her mouth to keep from laughing at Rory outright.

"I'm not! It's just…You try being stuck in bed for over a week covered head to toe in hives because your grandmother just HAS to bring that fluffy demon everywhere." Rory scowled gaining a hug from Amy.

"So, Doctor, what are we going to do about Sir Demon over there?" Amy asked.

The Doctor re-appeared from where he'd almost disappeared into a cupboard and held up a mason jar, "We capture the Cybermen and send fluffy about his way."

"Well how do we distract him?" Rory asked worriedly; generally HE was the bait.

"I don't know, we'll-"the Doctor stopped and glared at River who had just picked up the cat as if it were no big deal, "Oi! He could have eaten you."

"Unlike you three, I'm not afraid of cats." River said smugly examining the Cat's collar as he purred, "And apparently his owner has a sense of humor."

"What makes you say that?" the Doctor asked as he scooped up the Cybermen into the jar.

"His tag; It says his name is 'Dalek Crusher'."

The Doctor stared at the cat, "Oh that is so wrong. I'm going to have to have words with the Brigadier and Liz!"

"What's to stop them from just opening that jar again?" Rory asked as the tiny Cybermen regained their footing inside the jar.

The Doctor shook the jar absently making them all fall again and frowned, "Right. We'll have to work on that…Pond! Er, Proper Pond! Is there a blender in that cupboard?"

"No," Amy said digging through the cupboard behind her, "Just a toaster and a waffle iron."

"Hmm, well those will have to do. Give them here." the Doctor requested holding his hands out, "and you, hold the jar." He thrust the jar into Rory's hands, "Give it a shake on occasion or they will find a way to break the jar."

"Doctor, what are you going to do with a toaster, a waffle iron and a jar?"

"I'm going to magnetize it shut and put up a barrier, obviously." the Doctor scoffed.

"Better question is: what he is going to do to the next person who uses that toaster." River laughed.

The next day when Liz finally made her way downstairs she found quite an unusual sight; her husband sitting at the table with the toaster, at least three stacks of toast and a bag of bread at his side.

"Do I want to know why you have so much toast?" she asked sleepily.

Alistair grinned and handed her a note, "I found that pined to the cupboard this morning."

Liz sighed, "So we were the site of an invasion and we didn't even know it?"

"At least he didn't interrupt the party." He said happily putting bread into the toaster.

"Maybe he should have, I don't remember much after Jo brought out that last bottle….Wait, DC helped him?"

"We have a very practical defense cat." the Brigadier said sternly, "Now watch this!"

He pressed down the plunger on the front of the toaster and Liz watched in shock as it started playing quite loudly "God save the Queen".

"What is it doing?"

"Toasting! See what it does?" he said eagerly handing her a piece of toast.

Liz laughed loudly seeing the UNIT logo burned into both sides brightly.

"And just wait till you see what the waffle iron does!"


End file.
